Just Back Part 12 (Is it over yet ?!?!?!)
When last we met, I had had a night at paddies with Spunky, met some naughty, naughty kids and headed home with an impending sickness looming.
Well I wake up feeling horrible, this is what I have been waiting for, my throat is killing me, my muscles are aching and well, I feel horrible !!!!! You know how it is ! I hate wasting time in Bali feeling sick......I know what your all thinking, you waste your time in Bali, hungover and sleeping half the day anyway !!!! Yes true, I may waste half the day, but I maximise my night-time pretty damn well ! I really shouldn't have gone out last night, I knew I would regret it, but I am a sucker for punishment. I don't have time to feel sick today, I have heaps to do, change hotels, welcome my Dad and farewell Cheza. I head outside my room to be greeted by Sue and David from the UK. They are just new to Bali and are currently planning their day. They tell me about how they tried to find the alternative Sammi and Suzie's bar (as Sammi and Suzie were absent for a week or so). Well they found the alternative bar, alternative being the operative word, it was full of grown men and boys, do I need to paint a more vivid picture ??? should I explain this further ??.....I think not !! Looks like they took a wrong turn when they hit the beach and went north instead.....hmmm funny how a wrong turn, can, well, just turn out wrong !!!! To think, I gave them the directions, what must have they been thinking of me !?!? I stand by my directions, they were correct, but come to think of it, its a pretty good prank to pull on someone, direct them to the MBLA bar (Man-Boy Love Association), hahahaha see how long they last ! Anyway, I gave David and Sue a few tips on Bali and what to do and where to go, like I am an expert ???? My recommendations should have been, well you must check out, Paddies, Double 6, Bali Rock, here they are on the map, that's about the best Bali has to offer....hehehe kiddin. I pulled out some maps for them to look at and they set about on their adventures of Bali, I never saw them again after that, probably cause I was leaving S r i R a t u that day anyway.
I wandered downstairs and although I am not hungry I force a last S r i R a t u special down and proceed to check out, this is always the hardest part, leaving. Well at least I am not leaving Bali, just relocating down the road. I get back to my room and pack, which isn't hard cause I never really unpack, I just live out of my suitcase and the dirty clothes go in a plastic bag, too easy !!! I say one last goodbye to my room and switch the light off for the final time and remove my key from the key holding make the lights and power go on thingy. I head downstairs and see Hugo, I thank him for spreading his disease and tell him I will catch up with him this afternoon if I am not dead. I bid farewell to the staff at S r i R a t u, whom I didn't get to know very well, so it wasn't hard leaving them. They order me a taxi and I am off to L egian Beach Hotel.
Now before I delve into conspiracy theories again, let me say I have thought about this long and hard. Ok, here we go, L egian Beach Hotel couldn't be any more than a Kilometre away from S r i R a t u, BUT if you're in a Taxi you must drive about 5 kilometres to get there, let me explain. JL Melasti is a one way street so if you want to get to L egian Beach Hotel which at the bottom of Melasti, you must drive all the way to bemo corner, down Jl Pantai Kuta and all the way back around to L egian Beach Hotel, what a stuff around. My theory is, the Taxi drivers have something worked out with the government to make the roads one way so they can get a longer fare and hence more money !!! At least that theory worked until the beach road was completed, now it possible to just use that and get there pretty direct, so excuse my cynicism. I retract my above statement. Wanna here my theory on JFK ? hmmmm, back to the report. The long journey gives me and chance to test out my Bahasa on the driver, which is coming along nicely, the stuff Spunky told me last night has magically stayed in my brain somehow......every time I learn something new it pushes something else out of my brain, like the time I took a home wine making course, and forgot how to drive........oh hang on I was drunk, wooops (joke courtesy of the simpsons, nice one homer) We eventually arrive at L egian Beach Hotel, actually, does anyone have any objections to me using LBH instead, it's too much to type....no objections ??.....GOOD. I probably wont need to mention it any more now. So I arrive at LBH (just testing) and having stayed at LBH(oh what a time saver) before, I know what I am in for, it really is a great hotel and not toooooo expensive. I check in to my bungalow, there seems to be a few people checking in too which is great, the more the merrier.....just don't go hogging them lounges ey ! I am taken to my room which all appears to be in order so I don't have to have a whinge.....I hate complaining. I decide I should have a nap for a bit, I am feeling progressively worse. So I flip on MTV, that should put me to sleep. While I have my nap, I will take this opportunity to explain LBH.
L egian Beach Hotel
As you turn off Jl Melasti and enter the front gates, complete with security box, a long driveway extends before you. There is the hotel room block on your right which extends all the way to reception from the street (these are the cheapest rooms) and the back of some bungalows are on your left. Walking down the driveway 200 meters say, you reach the carpark and you are at an open aired (sorta) reception complete with tour desk (of course). There are bungalows in every direction from the reception linked by flower and hedge lined paths. If you walk towards the beach, which is no more than 100m from reception, you will come across the first and biggest pool next to the restaurant. The pool is huge man, you almost need to charter a boat to reach the other side. There is a spa on a higher level than the pool accessible by a few stairs. There is a sorta kiddie part or hungover part, which is about a foot deep so you can't drown. The rest of the pool can get pretty deep in parts. It is surrounded by water spouting fountains. If you position yourself in front of them and spread your legs it looks like you are takin a pi.....oooopss showing your maturity Jonny. Behind the pool is a healthy beauty type of thing, where they do all that health and beauty stuff with oils and flowers and that type of stuff. Next to it is the towel counter and toilets. There are quite a few lounges surrounding the pool and you never have too much trouble securing one. There is also, always, the fair share of topless bathers to keep your husbands or sons eyes busy. Behind the pool next to the beach road there is a grass area with an area for playing volleyball if you choose, I never saw it done though. There is another security point at the entrance from the beach road too. There is not much separating the beach road from the hotel, just a few plants and string. If you walk from the Pool through the restaurant you will reach the other smaller pool complete with pool bar. This pool is only a year or so old. It also has a raised spa and kiddies area like the other. It is surrounded by lounges as well, not as many because it is smaller. Next to the smaller pool away from the beach is a huge grassy area with heaps of lounges, they are well back from the pool but you will always find one here. Just watch out for falling coconuts !!!! Behind this grassy area are the more expensive bungalows too, the more expensive bungalows are closest to the pools. There are heaps of paths all over the hotel lined by beautiful Balinese gardens with every imaginable tropical plant, the gardens are spectacular. There is also a huge wall (10-20 feet high) separating Jl Melasti so the noise from Melasti surprisingly doesn't penetrate that well. It would take a very enterprising thief to scale this wall, the broken glass on the top wouldn't help either.
Well its 2pm and I have awoken from my slumber.....I still feel horrible, but I guess I need as much rest as possible. My father's plane arrives at 4 so I will go to the beach have a beer and wait till I see the plane land at the airport and then jump in a taxi and pick dad up. The rooms at LBH have little electronic safes in them......coool, I play around with it for about half an hour.....small things amuse small minds ! I watch an in-house movie, which is about as old as me, and about as interesting as watching paint dry or grass grow, oh well, I'll watch anything. Pretty soon it's getting to that time so I walk down to the beach and sit at Ketuts. He has been a busy little boy today, sold something like 28 beers !!! Some guys had a party down there and he had to go restock midway through, lucky him !!! As long as there are a couple left for me I don't care. I see Qantas plane in the distance for its final approach to Ngurah Rai and I finish the dregs of my beer, farewell Ketut and jump in the first bluebird I see. I hope I get a driver who speaks all right English, I have to explain that I need to go to the airport and wait for my Dad and come back to LBH. He understands perfectly.....good, I am not in the mood for stuffin around. We get to Ngurah Rai and spot Dad waving furiously, glad he is already out, I am also not in the mood for waiting. He heads towards the Taxi and at the same time a policeman is yelling at us, you can't stop there. I tell the taxi driver to wait.......the taxi driver is in a serious pickle. Does he listen to the grumpy westerner with the rupiah or obey the yelling policeman blowing his whistle and having a large knife attached to his belt. Hurry up Dad, I don't know how long I can keep this policeman at bay and the taxi driver is looking nervous. Dad loads his stuff in the boot and the policeman comes over and has an argument with the taxi driver, don't know what they are talking about but it is loud. We pull away and I thank the taxi driver and give him 10,000 Rp as a sort of tip, I didn't want him to get in trouble, poor guy.
We make our way back to the hotel and I explain to Dad everything that has been happening, I can tell he is stoked to be back in Bali.......can you blame him, he loves it just as much as I and he doesn't party......hmmmmm I am confused !! We get back to LBH and all up the charge is something like 25,000 RP.....sooo cheap ! It is Cheza's last day and she is leaving in a few hours so I had better go say goodbye, so I ditch Dad, after 15 minutes.......he'll get used to it !! I head to Garden View and Vikki is there saying her goodbyes too. I say goodbye to Cheza, poor girl, I would hate to be going home.....it's the worst feeling in the world. I know I have to go through this in two weeks.......I don't even want to think about it. Back to LBH and a few beers with Dad to catch up. We decide to have an early meal for my sake so I can get to bed. Uncle Norms seems like about the closest place to go so we head there. We order a few beers and dinner.......can't remember what. The big guy from Uncle Norms (Robbie ?) comes over for a chat. Where's your Mum ? A surprised look on Dad's face.......huh ???? No, that wasn't my Mum, that was Cheza. Is this your Dad then, yes, that's correct. Robbie decides to do some of his magic tricks for our entertainment. First of all he does the Bra one, you know where thy make a bra out of a tea towel, ok that's fine, gees I hope he doesn't do the crude ones, I don't know if Dad will appreciate it.....sure enough his does the one where he makes the legs and says, just has alcohol and they spread apart..........Dad seems quite amused, phewwwww. Then he does the one where he makes the paper people and blows on them to make it look like they are....well need I say more.....again, Dad is amused. These magic tricks must be in the resteraunteer course. Everyone knows them. We finish dinner, pay the bill, hmmm let me see if I can scam a free meal out of Dad.......success, hey, I need that money for important things....like alcohol !!!
We head back to the hotel and I go to bed, I need it !!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED (Sick, sick and sick)