Well...after much trial an error, resulting in a score of Doggy 0, Me 32, I have changed my methods from wanton annihilation to selective genocide. The fact is, all those doggy heads stuck on bamboo poles in front of my house...well, they stunk, and the neighbors complained. Of course the neighbor's complaints were not about the elimination of the canine scourge, but the smell. And there is no longer a reason to have a panjar in front of my house, (no current ceremony), thus all the doggy tails have come down too, and too bad, as they all looked so decorative hanging off the end of my panjar these last two months! In fact, no one could even gaze upon the façade of my house now and imagine for a minute it is the Armageddon of Bali doggies. But to this very day my humble abode is respectfully called, "Casa Armageddon Cicicng", or "house of the (bad) ending of dog."
Currently, I am into a sort of home made pepper spray, or as the locals like to call my device, "sambal cicicng"...which the doggies REALLY do not like. BUT they are learning slowly and surely now to give me a very wide berth, and to not even think about an "under the breath" growl at my nine month old son. Aren't they so cute when they lay down and hide their nose under their front paws?
Of course, those "bleeding hearts" that will post here periodically begging for help for these maniacal canines have never lived in a small village propagated by a huge population of these vicious critters. Have they ever been attacked by a crazed pack of these essentially wild dogs? Ever bitten by one? Are they even mindful of the nasty myriad of life threatening diseases they can inflict by their bite? Are they aware of the numerous attacks on young children that are inflicted by these wild beasts? Nope, they would appeal to every Lab, Golden, Shepherd, or Terrier owner to come to the aid of the Bali doggie, as the Bali doggie lives such a poor, hopeless life!
What a bunch of misguided, tea sipping, lunches propagated, western ideological caldron of baloney that is! We really DO NOT need the Junior League here ladies! Playing tennis in Nusa Dua, lunch by poolside, and then espousing your virtues of the f...ing Bali dog does NOT win you any credibility, nor likely would any idea on how to "help" Bali in any way likely be! Boy...would I love to give one of these useless ladies a cold water mande at my in-law's compound, hand them a used stinky towel to dry themselves, and then introduce them to my local (what's left) canine population! Hello! It's called a WAKE UP call!
Can you imagine the look on the customs officer's faces at the Ngurah Rai airport when one these Talbot's decked Junior League lassies disembarks the plane with a large bag of dog food? "Is that how she can afford those clothes" he wonders? "By eating that food?" I've suggested to my brother in law that an immediate intelligence test be administered to that hapless person! No, Martha Stewart, your legions of "that's a good thing" are not needed or even wanted here. Stay home, and polish the silver! Leave the dogs to us please.
Well, when these measly little viscous mutts meet my new Rottie, they will be in for a BIG surprise as SHE will rule! She is already feeding on a staple diet of Bali doggie meat...such that THAT is...and howling at the door to go out for more, thus soon enabling my complete retirement from any useful activity. You may have already guessed her name is Durga, and she is so appreciative that I pre-spiced her food for her! When she is finally old enough to let out of my compound to roam freely, there will be no Bali dogs within ear shot my house...bless her heart!
But, these bleeding "Bali doggie" hearts do have a point...and since I have taken a new look on life, I am not totally in disagreement with them. In fact, I personally try to help these measly mangy mutts every day by reminding them that I am human...and you are an f...ing dog, and NO...you will not determine where I go, when I want to, nor will you be allowed to attempt to molest me, my wife or my son in any fashion, and if you do, you will die. I think they are getting the idea...but I heard just recently there might be a dozen or more bus loads of them coming here from Gilimanuk to hold a special prayer meeting and protest. Hmmmm...should I start stocking up on Kibbels and Bits? Nah...better to load up on more sambal cicicng! Durga is always hungry!